Healing Isn’t a Quick Fix: Chuck DeGroat and I Talk Trauma, Faith, and the Slow Road to Wholeness
I had the absolute gift of spending time talking with Chuck DeGroat—author, pastor, truama therapist, and someone who deeply understands both the sacred work of healing and the sacredness of our wounds.
Chuck’s latest book, Healing What’s Within, isn’t just another book on trauma—it’s a companion for the slow, often painful, but ultimately sacred process of restoration. In our conversation, we dive into how trauma lingers in the body long after the harm has ended, how the church has both helped and harmed, and why kindness—not shame—is what actually leads us back home.
Trauma Isn’t Just “What Happened”—It’s What Lingers Within
One of the most powerful parts of our conversation centered on the distinction between abuse and trauma. Abuse is what happened. Trauma is the residue left behind—stored in the body, the mind, and the nervous system. Chuck shared how his own body “screamed” at the release of his previous book on narcissism in the church, even more than a decade after the original incident. The lingering panic. The sense of danger. The memories that return not as thoughts, but as embodied flashbacks. Many of you know exactly what that’s like.
When the Body Says No
Chuck vulnerably shared how over-functioning in ministry led to a medical crisis that landed him in the hospital—septic, exhausted, and needing to make life-altering changes. Even in therapy, he had convinced himself that he was “doing the work,” but the body never lies. He was pushing too hard, too fast, too alone.
I can’t tell you how many clients I’ve walked with who do the same. Not only have I walked with clients in that space - I’ve had to reckon with it myself as a chronic overfunctioner. We try to earn rest. We perform our way into numbness. But healing doesn’t happen in hustle. It happens in slowness, in surrender, and in embodied presence.
Overachievers and the Myth of Resilience
Chuck and I both identify as over-functioners—those of us who find safety in performance, who strive to never be a burden, who learned early that goodness had to be earned. But often, over-functioning is just trauma with a good resume. It’s why I love Chuck’s framework so much—he invites readers to sit with the three questions from Genesis 3: “Where are you?”, “Who told you that?”, and “Where have you taken your hunger and thirst?”
Those questions aren’t accusations. They’re invitations. Even writing them now, I feel the deep longing to explore in my own soul.
The Grief of the Unknown
One of my favorite parts of Chuck’s book is the Three Candles exercise—especially the third candle, which honors what may never be known. As a trauma therapist, I work with so many people carrying Swiss-cheese memories, black holes of developmental trauma, and the ache of knowing something is wrong without having the words to name it.
That candle invites us to grieve what we may never remember—and trust that even the unspoken is seen by God.
Can the Church Be Safe Again?
We also talked about the ache so many of us feel when our trauma intersects with church harm. Chuck and I both love the Church and also grieve how often it has been a source of shame, minimization, and misplaced theology. We dream of a Church that mirrors Jesus, who never ran from the mess and always moved toward the hurting. Jesus truly gets in the dirt with us. But until then, therapy often becomes the sacred ground where lament is finally allowed.
What I Hope You Hear Most
As Chuck beautifully shared, trauma is not a personality flaw—it’s a soul wound. And wounds don’t heal in isolation or in shame. They heal in safety, in kindness, and in being seen. That’s why I do this work. And it’s why I’m so grateful for people like Chuck who show us that healing is possible, even if it’s slow.
Whether you’re a survivor, a therapist, or someone who’s just now realizing that what happened to you wasn’t your fault—I want you to know this: God is not impatient with your pain. His first question to the wounded soul wasn’t “What have you done?” but “Where are you?”
May we all learn to hear that question not as condemnation, but as invitation.
Mentioned in this Episode:
Chuck DeGroat’s book: Healing What’s Within
Want More or Need Help?
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Watch this episode of Hey Tabi with Chuck DeGroat.
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