If We’re “Doers of the Word”… Why Is the Church Still Failing Abuse Victims?
What if your church is preaching the truth, but inadvertently (or maybe even intentionally) protecting abusers?
In one of the most gut-punching episodes of Hey Tabi to date, licensed trauma therapist Tabitha Westbrook sat down with Neil Schori, Director of Church Partnerships for Called to Peace Ministries, to unpack a verse that has been used to both heal and harm: James 1:22-27.
You’ve probably heard at least part of this passage: “Be doers of the word, not hearers only.” But what does that actually mean when someone in your congregation is being abused?
Too many pastors, counselors, and church members use Scripture like a sledgehammer, demanding submission, silence, and sacrifice from victims of abuse - especially women - without ever looking deeper. Instead of protecting the wounded, the church has often reinforced their bondage.
“Be Doers of the Word” Is Not a License for Abuse
Neil Schori and Tabitha Westbrook called this out plainly: the church has confused rule-keeping with heart transformation.
Schori put it simply, noting in Scripture it says: “Religion that God accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress.” Victims of abuse are the widows and orphans of today. They are alone, hurting, and often abandoned by the very communities that should be protecting them. What’s worse is that these women are often told the Church is a family - until suddenly it’s not.
Tabitha highlighted a sobering dynamic: abusers are often master manipulators. They "check the boxes". They go to church, say the right things, maybe even show up to counseling, but there’s no real heart change. They use manipulative kindness and behavior modification (for a short period) as a tool of control, all while the church applauds their “repentance.” This isn’t biblical obedience. It’s performance and yet another means to an end for coercive control to continue.
When the Church Protects the Institution Over the Individual
Perhaps the most jarring part of the conversation? When churches elevate the institution of marriage above the well-being of the people in it. God does not love the marriage more than the people in it, but churches often get that backward.
Schori compared it to Jesus’ own words about the Sabbath: “The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath.” Marriage, too, is meant to reflect Christ’s love, not to consume or destroy. When a spouse becomes a weapon, the covenant is already broken, not by the victim, but by the abuser. Churches struggle when there is no obvious physical abuse, but that stems from a lack of understanding about what abuse and coercive control actually is.
Tabitha dropped a truth bomb: "Unless you can take your brain out of your skull and stick it in a jar, abuse is always physical. Because your brain is part of your body."
Chronic stress, fear, and trauma manifest in autoimmune disorders, illness, and even cancer. The lie that “marriage makes people healthier” only holds true in safe marriages, not abusive and coercively controlling ones.
What “Doing the Word” Actually Looks Like
This episode didn’t just highlight problems, it offered a roadmap for real change.
Schori laid out Called to Peace Ministries’ two-part framework for churches ready to respond better:
Evangelistic Side – A half-day training to help your church recognize and understand domestic abuse.
Discipleship Side – Long-term partnership that equips churches to care well for victims through support groups, trained advocates, and policy development.
The message is clear: the church should be the safest place on earth for the vulnerable.
So why isn’t it?
Church, It’s Time to Look in the Mirror
James 1 warns against looking in a mirror and walking away unchanged. This is one aspect of that mirror moment for pastors, elders, counselors, and every believer who wants to live out real faith.
Being a “doer of the word” means protecting the oppressed, not telling them to “submit harder.” As Called to Peace Founder, Joy Forrest says, “Victims are often told to stay, pray, obey, and lay.” But none of that works to prevent or end coercive control. What the being “doers” actually means is standing between the wounded and the wolves. It means taking responsibility for how we interpret and apply Scripture, and being curious where our traditions may be twisting it into a tool of oppression.
💬 “If we’re going to talk about the Bible, we better handle it with care. Because it is never God’s will for someone to be consumed in the name of marriage.” - Tabitha Westbrook
Ready to Be a Church That Actually Does the Word?
If you’re a pastor, church leader, or believer who wants to make your community safer, don’t wait for the next crisis. Get trained. Get equipped. Start by checking out the Church Partnerships Program at Called to Peace Ministries.
Because if we’re truly “doers of the word”… it’s time we start acting like it.
If You’ve Been Hurt by the Church, You’re Not Alone—And You’re Not Crazy
Maybe you were told to stay and submit.
Maybe your cries for help were met with silence—or worse, Scripture used as a weapon.
Maybe you’re still trying to untangle the pain of spiritual abuse, coercive control, or being dismissed by those who should’ve protected you.
We see you. And there is healing.
At The Journey and The Process, we specialize in helping people who have been deeply wounded, especially by faith communities, to find clarity, peace, and a path forward. Our licensed trauma therapists understand the unique pain of spiritual harm, religious trauma, and coercive control masked as “godly leadership.”
We are clinically trained, faith-informed, and we honor every part of your story - your mind, your body, your soul, and your spirit. You don’t have to carry this alone anymore.
