Are You the Nagging Wife from Proverbs? Reclaiming Your Voice Through Biblical Literacy
Have you ever been told—or feared—you might be the “nagging wife” Proverbs warns about? You’re not alone. For many Christian women, that label has carried shame, confusion, and even spiritual silencing. But what if we’ve misunderstood what Scripture really says?
In this episode of Hey Tabi, I sit down with my dear friend and Bible-loving author Kelly Gallian to unpack what Proverbs truly teaches about the so-called “nagging wife”—and how biblical literacy can actually bring deep healing.
When Scripture Gets Weaponized
Kelli opens up about the emotional impact of hearing Proverbs 21 and 27 misused in Christian culture: “Better to live on the corner of a roof than with a nagging wife,” “Better to live in a desert,” and other verses have been quoted to shut women down—often when they’re simply trying to express a need.
For years, that fear lingered in Kelli’s heart: “What if I am that wife?” But as she turned to Scripture—and also used a great Bible study tool, the dictionary—she discovered the truth: being relentlessly unpleasable is a far cry from offering healthy feedback in a partnership.
“I know I’m not relentlessly unpleasable. I speak love and encouragement to my husband. I like him. I’m grateful for him. I walk in partnership. And that truth just obliterated the fear.”
Biblical Literacy = Healing Power
This conversation is part of a broader theme we return to often on Hey Tabi: the power of knowing what Scripture really says. Kelly and I talk about the importance of context—understanding who wrote a verse, to whom, and why.
Too often, Proverbs is used as prescriptive law instead of what it truly is: poetic wisdom. And when it’s misapplied—especially by harmful partners or well-meaning, but uninformed pastors—it becomes a tool of oppression rather than liberation.
“We treat Proverbs like magic spells instead of wisdom literature. It’s not meant to be a rulebook—it’s meant to call us into wisdom.”
Creating Safe Marriages, Not Silent Ones
Healthy marriage isn’t about one spouse staying quiet to keep the peace. It’s about mutuality, voice, and emotional safety. Kelli beautifully describes her 20-year marriage as a place where her voice is welcomed—not stifled.
“An environment of safety invites conversation. That’s what my marriage has been—my husband celebrates who I am.”
For many survivors of coercive control or spiritual abuse, finding (or creating) that kind of marriage feels daunting. That’s why this episode doesn’t shy away from hard truths. If you've been told you’re a nag simply for speaking up—you’re not crazy. And you’re not alone.
A Word to Pastors: Please Stop Using “Nagging Wife” Jokes
Let’s be real—many pastors use Proverbs 21:9 or 27:15 in sermons to get a laugh. But if 1 in 3 churchgoers have experienced abuse or coercive control, those jokes aren’t funny. They’re retraumatizing.
“Just add one sentence: ‘This verse has been used to silence women—let me clarify what it actually means.’ That’s all we’re asking.”
Kelli offers a powerful reminder to church leaders: “The people in your pews aren’t all like you. There are widows, survivors, single parents, and women who’ve been deeply wounded by misused Scripture. See them.”
God's Heart: Freedom, Not Oppression
At the core of this episode is a deep truth: God does not align with oppressive systems—He dismantles them. The entire arc of Scripture, from Genesis to Revelation, is about liberation, not domination.
Jesus came to set the captives free. So if a verse is being used to hold someone hostage—emotionally, spiritually, or physically—it’s being misused.
“The truth shall set you free. And if a ‘truth’ you’ve been told keeps you bound in fear and silence, it’s time to go back to the Word.”
Kelli’s Novel: How Can It Be?
Before wrapping up, Kelli shares the heart behind her Christian romance novel How Can It Be?—a redemptive story about grief, forgiveness, and second chances. Written for women whose stories are often overlooked, the novel addresses themes like abortion, trauma, healing, and grace.
“It’s not a cheesy Hallmark plot. It’s real. It’s honest. It’s full of the love of God.”
Available on Amazon in paperback and Kindle.
Final Encouragement
Whether you’re wrestling with Scripture that’s been used to shame you, or you’re rediscovering your voice after spiritual or emotional abuse, this episode is your invitation to dig into God’s Word for yourself.
You are not a nagging wife just because you have a voice. You are an image-bearer of the living God—called to love, speak truth, and flourish.
Resources Mentioned:
Kelli’s novel: How Can It Be? on Amazon
Jen Wilkin Women of the Word: How to Study the Bible with Both Our Hearts and Our Minds
Tara-Leigh Cobble The Bible Recap: A One-Year Guide to Reading and Understanding the Entire Bible
Untwisting Scriptures by Rebecca Davis
Tabitha’s episode on Biblical Literacy and Healing
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